Poor Bobby

Bobby is 11 until Tuesday when he’ll turn 12. Bobby lives with his mother most of the time. She’s a drug addict and she forgets about him when she’s high. Bobby’s home has been the floor of one his Mom’s boyfriends, until a number of months ago. They finally got an apartment. It’s $25/month plus electric. They are getting food stamps but his Mom doesn’t work so they get like $44/month.  After 3 months the electric has already been shut off and it’s winter. It gets really cold at night. Bobby grabs all of the dirty clothes and piles them on top of him to use for blankets because they don’t have any. The apartment has roaches and spiders and there’s always trash on the floor; there’s no trashcans and no cleaning supplies in the house. They can’t afford to buy them and he doesn’t know what cleaning the house is because his Mom doesn’t know.

Bobby isn’t sure who his father is. There’s this guy who comes around once in awhile and calls him “sonny boy,” but he’s not sure. The guy also punches him in the shoulder when he sees Bobby and tells him, “Gots to be the MAN of the house…” and then he laughs and hits him again. The guy gives Bobby’s Mom drugs. A church gave them some furniture but the beds had bed bugs so Bobby had to drag them out to the dumpster…and he’s back to sleeping on the floor.

His Mom sometimes gets him up for school. When he goes, he hates it. He’s been labeled a “problem child” since he was 7 when he was molested and started acting out at school. No one ever asked him why he was acting out or sitting in the bathroom crying during recess. Somewhere along the line he realized he’s alone so he’s gotten tougher. He pushed a little kid the other day so he could get the message out to leave him alone. He also got suspended again.

He was given some comic books and he likes to look through them but he can’t pronounce or understand some of the words. He says the words are blurry sometimes, but his Mom can’t keep his Sooner Care active so he doesn’t go to the doctor. He has a cold and his nose runs so he sucks snot and wipes it on his shirt because they don’t have paper towels, toilet paper or tissues in the house.

Most of the time he starts his day in the same clothes he’s worn all week. They never have quarters and the closest laundry is 2 miles away and they don’t have a car and can’t afford bus tokens. The grocery store is about as far away. Bobby spends most of the time hungry.  He goes to the nearest convenience store and steals chips and sodas; so far he hasn’t been caught.

He walks a lot but there are places he stays away from. He watches the gangs from a distance and part of him is starving for love and affection and he wonders if joining a gang would help. But, one of their initiations is raping girls. His Mom was raped once while he was in the bathroom. A drug dealer broke in and raped her because she didn’t pay him. Bobby tried to take care of her, but she told him to get the “f*** away.”

Bobby has a couple of friends who are just like him. One of his buddy’s Moms is an alcoholic and another lives with his Grandma who is “crazy.” They like hanging around the Grandma because she talks to people who aren’t there. They laugh at her. Sometimes all the grown up’s in their lives are messed up at the same time so they stay in a cubby hole outside the community center, which is closed up and not used anymore. They hear gunshots and couples yelling and cussing each other. They see drug deals and watch toddlers walking around in a diaper at 3 in the morning. They watch and when the drunken old man stumbles out of his apartment to yell at someone, they sneak in and hide his bottle. This is their entertainment.

Bobby had his 12^th birthday and no one noticed. There was no cake or ice cream, no gifts, no underwear from Grandma, nothing. He kept crying off and on all day and he tried to stop but he couldn’t. He sees kids at school with new Nikes and IPhones and they talk about their X-box and Ripstick and he gets mad. His Mom got a big TV after she got her income taxes one year, but they pawned it after a month for her drugs and to pay rent.

If no one intervenes and loves on Bobby he’ll start having sex soon and probably get a girl pregnant. He’s likely to join the gang because he’ll drop out of school and need money. His heart will continue to grow harder because he has to do what is needed to survive. Eventually he’ll steal a car and get involved with juvy and once he has a criminal record, a kid he can’t take care of and the start of a drug habit…another generation of “the Bobby’s out there” starts all over again.

Every Sunday and most Wednesday evening’s variations of kids with Bobby’s story go to church. We’ve been taking them for over a year. During each trip in the van from the apartment complex to church, we’re praying for these kids. Praying for their salvation, for their safety, that people will be nice to them, that they’ll make friends, that they will learn about Jesus, that no one will say something to embarrass them, that they get why they’re going to church…that Jesus loves each one of them, individually, enough to die for them, that Jesus will be real to them.

Over the course of the year we have had folks ask how we could bring the kids to church in flip flops when it’s cold outside or why they’re not wearing coats. They want to know why they make such a mess when they eat dinner on Wednesday night. They want to know why we don’t keep them quiet and teach them to behave; they run in church and climb on the building.  We’ve been asked why the kids come to church dirty and smelly.

One man asked why we bring drug addicts to church. When we figured out who he was talking about, he was told the young man only has part of his brain so he’s slow in speech and processing. His reply was, “Oh. Well how am I supposed to know that?” 

He’s right, how is he supposed to know that? Middle class people have no idea how hard it is for poor kids and families because we rarely if ever socialize with them. We read the rhetoric in the news and we establish assumptions about poor people that are often very wrong.  In fact, we often become indignant and tell them to get their lives together, go to work and do what’s right. We judge them with gusto. We also tend to forget they don’t know Jesus and they don’t have a support system or the resources we do, but we sure do expect a lot from them.

We also tell poor people to forget the past; it has no effect on their future. When Bobby was molested, he remembers every moment of the nightmare. He remembers the smells, the sounds and the man’s voice. He’s never been seen by a counselor so he hasn’t learned coping skills, life skills, problem solving skills and he doesn’t know what to do when he smells the same after shave the man was wearing two years later. All he knows is that all of those disgusting memories come crashing into his mind and he has to do something so he yells or he breaks something or he runs until he falls to the ground sobbing. He doesn’t talk to anyone because no one cares.

Many of these kids don’t know Jesus and the few that do, don’t see Him in their homes, or the neighborhoods, or in their neighbors and they don’t have anyone teaching them life through the lens of the Bible. They are lost and learning life skills from the lost.

We don’t want to know the gory truth about Bobby’s life because we don’t want to believe horrible things happen to kids. We don’t want God to give us a burden to step into that gutter and love these kids unconditionally and make them a part of our lives. That’s too difficult and messy and it’s too painful. The kids will screw up or Heaven forbid we do get involved and they won’t turn out “right.”  People tell us to make the kids “more normal” and presentable because the way they look and how they act make US too uncomfortable.

Isaiah 58, In His service is trying to give the kids some hope and let them experience things that they could not afford to do. We are trying to show them life without crisis. We try to give them birthdays with cake and gifts and candles. We try to keep the heat on and the water running and groceries in their fridge. We try to make sure they aren’t sleeping on the floor. We take them to church praying they’ll meet Jesus…

But, it’s not enough. We’ve been asked what church goers can do to make a difference in these kid’s lives.

Talk to them. They need stable, caring adults to be interested in their lives. They will be bluntly honest about the horrors of their lives but they still have dreams for their future and they want to believe they could come true. They need to hear praise and encouragement. They need to know what real love looks like.

Talk to your kids. As far as we know none of our kids have been invited to a “rich kid’s house.”  They haven’t made many friends in church. They think some of the “rich kids” are mean and don’t like them. Teach your kids how to love on poor kids. Learn about poverty so you can teach your kids what poverty really is. Teach your kids to reach out and get to know our kids.

Invite them out. Get to know the kids, especially if you have a child the age of one of our kids. The best way to teach is to mirror the behaviors. Let them see how you eat a meal; praying before eating, asking someone to pass the pepper, please and thank you. Take them to your home. Show them how you live. Give them an experience they’ve never had before. We took some kids to a concert at the BOK and they’d never been to a concert before. Wide eyes and lots of WOWS. It was really cool. A new experience opens the door to possibilities.

Volunteer. We often make 2 or more trips to church on Sunday. Offer to go pick some of the kids up. We pay for them to eat on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights at church because we want to make sure they have something to eat. When you drop them off, sit with them, eat a donut and listen to their stories. Ask them to sit with you in church. Mirror Godly behavior in God’s house.

Pray.  Before and after you talk with them, learn their names and a little about their lives and pray for them by name. Ask the Father to bring workers to the harvest. Pray for the end to generational poverty. Pray that God will use you.

Be willing to learn. We had our first LOVE GOES - Faith Based Social Services Conference last year. We had professionals talk about the tough stuff: Mental Illness, Homelessness, Substance Abuse, Foster Care, Suicide, Domestic Violence. We talked about the role of the church and how our churches need to take an active role in helping our non-profits meet more needs. We have tons of gaps that our churches could fill. We asked churches to do capital campaigns for people instead of buildings.

Watch all of the speaker's videos at www.FBCJENKS.ORG/LOVEGOES. Learning more about these topics can take away the fear of the unknown and once the fear disappears, you’ll be nudged into action and you’ll be more willing to go because you’ll have a better understanding. Knowledge builds bridges, ignorance builds walls.

Learn more. If you truly want to make a difference, a restorative difference, talk with deni. Isaiah 58, In His service has professionals ready to teach. If you really want to learn about poverty, mental illness, homelessness so that you can beseech the Father to take you to where He’s working, we can help get you prepared. Just remember, we all have been or will be touched by mental illness, substance abuse, domestic violence, etc. It is better to be prepared than to react in crisis.

Take action. A couple friends of mine, Pastor Cody and Breanna Brumley are in the process of adopting a child. “We are adopting an infant through private domestic adoption which is why it’s expensive ($25,000 to $50,000). We prayed through both (private adoption and DHS) and our thought was, why not catch the baby before DHS? Why not love on the momma too? In our case we are given the info for a birth mom and her history (drug abuse, physical abuse, imprisonment, poverty, etc.) We pay for their clothing, housing, bills, before the baby is born.  If they are on drugs, some of the cost is to help them get sober. If there are mental health issues, the money pays for a counselor.  For some women they are trying to get GED’s. That is a big part of the cost. In most cases we will meet this mother before the birth and possibly keep a relationship afterwards. We want the mom to know she has value too! Adoption through DHS is free, and a great need is there. We just felt called to this route to bring the baby home from day one and hopefully share the gospel with the birth mom and family too!”

They have a blog that details each step of their journey. Go to: http://babybrumley3.blogspot.com.  Learn about the adoption process and pray for them. Better yet, if God so nudges, support them in their obedience to the Father. They have an Adopt Together fundraising page...https://www.adopttogether.org/thebrumleys

Know that you are prayed for. God can change the world one child at a time. Are you willing to walk as Jesus did?

In His service, deni

We can do more. We can do better.

When was the last time you studied Luke 10? “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few, Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind…and Love your neighbor as yourself…the parable of the Good Samaritan… Martha, Martha you are worried about many things…Mary has chosen the better way… “

“Whoever claims to live in Him must walk as Jesus did.” 1^st John 1:6