Legacy of Integrity

Listening to a Christian radio station the other day, I heard the lead singer say, “Personally I pray to leave a legacy of integrity.”  A lead singer of one of the most successful Christian bands in history; he doesn’t want to make lots of money, or live a life of comfort, no, he wants his walk to be the walk of Jesus…above all else.

A legacy of integrity.

In*teg*ri*ty – The quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness. The state of being whole and undivided. The condition of being unified, unimpaired, or sound in construction.

We should not be surprised or angry when a lost soul lies to us, cheats us or doesn’t do what they say they will do.  They don’t know Jesus. But, how should we respond when a person proclaiming to be a child of God does these things?

I can tell you I had a hard time comprehending this when it first started happening. Over the years many Christians have promised to give, support, donate and volunteer for Isaiah 58, In His Service…their promises came easily out of their mouths only to vanish into thin air.

This trend has continued throughout our ministry. Promises of shoes, repairs on a house, a vehicle, mow a lawn, monthly support, etc. have been offered, but none of it was received. In the beginning I spent time on my face, in tears. Not because we didn’t receive what was promised but because these Christians verbally committed to do something and their actions were far from their words.  I looked up to them, I respected them, and I counted them as people of integrity…but they never followed through. I don’t believe they intended to give me false hope.  I believe they forgot, they didn’t mean it when they said it, they spoke impulsively, or they figured I’d forget what they said.

But, the bottom line is, the character trait of integrity is not forged into their construction if their words are insignificant, unimportant or easily dismissed. More so what if they tossed words frivolously to their children, coworkers or the unsaved? When we claim to be Christ followers anyone should be able to trust what we say and our actions should follow accordingly, right?

After a long time of learning, my response now is to be thankful. Each time a gift is offered but never delivered, I praise God! Admittedly, I pray for God to convict the heck out of the person too. I’m still working on that…

When I make a promise, I do everything possible to keep it. I know how much the disappointment hurts. Even if someone promises to give and they don’t, I will make sure I give anyway, often out of my own (God’s) pocket.

Truthfully, God has often nudged me to help someone when we have no money in our account and no immediate resources available. So I tell them, “God has promised to take care of you, but right now I’m not sure how He’s gonna do it. So, pray with me and I know His answer will be amazing!” Sometimes it’s taken a day, a week or a month, but along the way, I touch base with them, I remind them I haven’t forgotten about them, and we both are being taught a lesson in patience. God always comes through.

I am also continuously practicing integrity in every step of my walk with Jesus.  Many times I have promised to drive someone somewhere, go to an event to support someone, or just make a phone call and when the time comes, sometimes I don’t wanna, but I do it anyway. I want my example to glorify Jesus. I want to be dependable. I want to be a woman of my word. I want people to know they can count on me. Not to mention by being obedient God often offers me a “God moment” that I would have missed, if my selfishness had reigned.

But, boy do I mess up sometimes. When I do, I apologize. I admit that I screwed up, I ask for forgiveness and I try to make it up to the person I let down. I don’t try to ignore the fact that I goofed big time, I don’t try to exaggerate my way out of it and I don’t try to defend my actions. In fact, I have been wrongly accused more than once, and my Social Work advocacy line of defense raises its head and I have to shut it down….when it comes to me.

I was sitting in my office and my door was cracked. I heard someone begin to cry and quickly it became sobbing. I opened the door and she was standing there with her hand over her mouth. Neither one of us said a word, I reached out, took her hand and she walked into my office.  Someone very close to her had died. She was caught between being the responsible family member needing to get to work and organize a funeral and the grieving loved one who was slowly realizing life would never be the same.

For the next uninterrupted hour and a half she shared story after story, she testified to a real live relationship with Jesus and she confessed that her loved one was with Jesus, standing whole and complete! We praised God together! Then we held hands and I prayed for her. She apologized for using almost a whole box of tissues and we laughed and we hugged each other as if we were longtime friends. She squeezed both of my hands and said, “Now to tell the rest of the family, “and she was gone.

I may never see her again but to know that I was exactly where I was supposed to be at that moment is without a doubt the hand of God and it is so humbling. For me to have an uninterrupted hour and half is truly the hand of God!

My day is filled with a roller coaster of events, reporting child abuse, calling the police, calming angry people, transporting a suicidal grandma to the hospital, reassuring someone who is having a panic attack, providing resources to a single Mom living in her car, listening as someone vents, visiting seniors living alone, delivering groceries, loving on someone who is homeless again, playing with kidlets while their Dad is seeing a doctor, and helping someone get into rehab.

This roller coaster is not restricted to my job, it goes into my evenings and weekends as the needs of our community don’t stop at 5pm. When you pray for Isaiah 58, In His Service, when you provide tangible gifts, when you send us a check these blessings offer the love of Jesus to anyone around the next corner.

We received $82,867 in 2015. In 2016 we received $46,281. So far this year we are behind 2016. We have done some amazing things, we took a Mission Trip to Tulsa, we presented LOVE GOES, a faith based social services conference and we have gone to many Christian concerts with all ages of folks and we have seen Jesus change lives.

Isaiah 58, In His Service is praying for God to nudge folks so we can step into gaps that are growing into canyons. We want to provide opportunities for people to step outside of their comfort zone and be willing to let Jesus show love to the least of these in ways you could never imagine! Mission Trip to Tulsa 2, Love Goes 2, The Banquet of New Beginnings, a fishing adventure in memory of my Dad and Emergency and Restorative Housing.  Vincent van Gogh said, “Great things are done by a series of small things brought together.” This is a perfect description of Isaiah 58, In His Service!

I am so thankful for all that God has done, is doing and will do through Isaiah 58, In His Service! I am also very thankful for those of you who have remained faithful in providing prayer support, tangible and financial gifts. Thank you for loving on us so we can love on others!

God has placed me on the front lines with hurting people. I see the needs daily, and the kicker is, I see solutions too. But, it is up to the Father to give me permission to take action. Part of that permission involves nudging donors to sustain those solutions.

“I know You’re able, and I know You can, save through the fire with Your mighty hand, but even if You don’t, my hope is You alone. I know the sorrow, I know the hurt, would all go away if You’d just say the word, but even if You don’t, my hope is You alone,” Even If by Mercy Me

But even if You don’t, my hope is You alone.

Know that you are prayed for.

In His service,

deni A. fholer,

We can do more. We can do better.

 “When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it.  Do not let your mouth lead you into sin.” Ecclesiastes 5:4-6

Mother's Day

This weekend is a special time of year. My sister’s birthday and a good buddy of mine had his birthday on the 12^th.  And it’s Mother’s Day.

Scrolling through Facebook there are so many pictures of friends with their mothers. Most sing praises of their Moms. Some photos are of Moms that are no longer here. This is my first mother’s day without my Mom. But they are happy pictures. They are celebrating with flowers, a nice dinner out, family.

Pastor Alex of the Church at churches is preaching a series called RISE. It is a charge for church goers to RISE to the needs of our community as we have never done before. But he’s educating too. How can you be convicted to help when you don’t know there’s a need? Last week he talked about the refugee crisis. I strongly encourage you to watch it. It was convicting and it made me proud of all that our church is doing. He will also teach on poverty and racism in this series.

Today he talked about foster care and adoption. He invited the women of Duck Dynasty to join him. The women shared stories of adoption in their family. They spoke about opening their homes to people in the name of Jesus. Apparently the whole clan lives on the same street. So grandma, great-grandma, siblings, aunts, uncles and cousins are all there for each other.

After church I bought some gift cards, groceries and birthday gifts and visited a few families in need. I went to four subsidized housing complexes. One in particular was in horrible disrepair. Broken windows, weeds growing high everywhere, cars broken down, mattresses and couches thrown on the ground by the dumpster. Open doors and sadness and unhappiness abounded.

I went there to give some birthday gifts to two little boys who have their birthdays next week. They’re getting so big! I’ve known them since they were babies. Mom was at work and her brother was watching her four kids. She works two jobs and can barely afford to live in this apartment. She’s wanted to give up many times because she feels like she can never catch up. She doesn’t know what getting ahead is. She’s never had money in the bank or gone to a nice restaurant on her birthday or driven a new car. DHS has been called on her. We’ve helped her often over the years. I am so proud of her because she has incredible resilience and determination despite learning disabilities.

When I was leaving the complex I saw a Mom with her two kids at a picnic table. They were eating sandwiches. No Dad in sight. But, she was pregnant again. I wondered how she was making it. Does she have a support system? Where does she go when she needs help? I wondered if she gets afraid when she thinks about tomorrow. Have her kids been in DHS custody?

We were given a card in church today with pictures and descriptions of five kids in the Tulsa area who are going to age out of the foster care system if they are not adopted. We held that card in our hands and we prayed for each child by name. We prayed for God to divinely intervene and provide families for these kids. Where two or more are gathered..

Pastor Alex reminded us that we’re not all called to foster or adopt. But, he said we are all called to serve. The needs of foster parents can at times be huge, like respite for special needs kids or simple, like a rocking chair. Check out Careportal.org and watch the video. You’ll see what many of our local churches are doing to tangibly support our foster families’ right here in Tulsa. The Church at churches support the care portal.

Another way to love on families is to be a prayer warrior, mentor, and/or volunteer for at risk kids. Poverty, teenage pregnancy, school drop outs can all be generational. As the bride of Christ we need to physically, tangibly, spiritually and emotionally step into the lives of kids and love them into a new direction. God is the God of making the impossible possible. These kids are doing what other poor kids are doing because they don’t know what they’re missing; like a whole world of possibility that we need to introduce them to.

This is hard stuff because it is so important. As the body of Christ we need to step into these subsidized housing projects and be the hands and feet of Christ. Just because Mom got pregnant at 13, dropped out of school at 15, became a drug addict at 19 does NOT mean her kids have to follow in her footsteps.  But that is what is happening, by the hundreds.  This is one way that brings kids into the foster care system. How will they know they can take a different path if we don’t show them?

These low income housing complexes manifest isolation, depression, anger and hopelessness. Imagine every day is literally a day of survival. Will the electricity be cut off? Is there any money left on the food stamp card? Will the neighbor give you a ride to work without charging you $20? Will your man come home drunk again? Will something else break down, like the plumbing which will take weeks to get maintenance out? Will you go to bed listening to the guy beating your friend next door?

It’s Mother’s Day. If you are the person you are today because of the impact of a great mother, you have a lot to be thankful for. If you live in a nice house, pay your bills every month and have extra for a vacation and drive a nice car, you have a lot to be thankful for. If you have children who you tell, they can do anything they want to do and they believe it, you have a lot to be thankful for. If you send them to camp, and to Christian schools and put them in new clothes each time they grow an inch, and redecorate their room every time their interests change, you have a lot to be thankful for.

There are kids within a mile of you who started out with dreams just like your kids. For many of them their dreams have turned into nightmares. Will they eat today? Will they sleep in the car tonite? If this is all there is to life, why bother?

We are called to serve in community. Talk to your life group and pray for divine appointments and then do something. Be willing to go and visit these complexes. You have to believe this is a problem and there is a real need before you can do anything that will really make a difference. Call me and I will take you. We will always need foster care if we don’t intercept generational sin while the kids are still kids.

We are so far beyond just cooking hot dogs and hamburgers for people in these complexes. Or dropping off Christmas gifts. Or taking hygiene items and tossing the Gospel at them. If we only do drive-by outreach for these folks, if they do say ‘yes’ to Jesus how are we going to disciple them?

We are not all called to foster or adopt. But, we are all called to serve.

This is your divine invitation.

Know that you are prayed for.

In His service,

deni A. fholer

We can do more. We can do better.

National Social Work Month - Being Present

Empathy.

She stutters when she gets upset. She wanted to tell me why she was so upset but she was struggling to calm down. She took some breaths. I gave her some water. Reminded her we were not in a hurry and to take her time. She closed her eyes. When she opened her eyes she was crying.  She loves to knit. She had almost finished a blanket when her sister came to visit with her dog. The dog destroyed the blanket. She was crushed. Her sister said nothing. No, `too bad’. No, `I’m sorry’. Not even a `bad dog.’ Her sister scooped up her dog and left. She sat there feeling 45 years of hurt emotions all at once. She needed to get it out. She didn’t need me to fix it. She just needed me to be present with her. 

Unbearable pain.

One child died from cancer. One died from a car wreck. One had a heart attack. One died when he put a gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. She’s a mother with no one left to mother. She hurts so much she can’t breathe. She is distracted. She feels guilty. She has regrets. She’s begging God to take the pain away. She dissolves into sobs in my arms.

Whatever it takes.

The five year old grabs my hand and tells me he’s hungry. He lives with his Mom and his Dad, when Dad’s not in jail. They live in an apartment complex filled with bed bugs, shootings, broken toilets and so far away from basic needs they have to get groceries at a convenience store. Their food stamps are gone in just a couple of visits. But, he’s hungry and we don’t have any funds. I tell him he won’t go to bed hungry tonite. I go home and clean out my freezer and pantry and deliver them.

Bulls eye.

He’s really mad. He’s messed up. He won’t remember tomorrow what a jerk he’s being today. I know that. But, everyone standing around doesn’t.  I talk in a calm and level voice. My goal is to move him away from the person he’s so angry with. However, she’s egging him on, which is not helping. She’s messed up too. After awhile he calms down. The crowd disperses, except her. She takes a big gulp of vodka and leans forward and spits. But, she misses him and hits me in the face. Her expression confirms her mistake and she turns to go quickly in the opposite direction.  My eyes are burning and he is laughing, “So this is how I get you to have a drink with me?”

Driving by.

I was supposed to go to a meeting but I cancelled. I was driving by early in the morning and saw two of my homeless guys. I just bought breakfast which I rarely do. It was really cold outside. Neither one of them were wearing a coat.  I got out and opened my trunk. Two coats, two pairs of socks and two loaded backpacks with gloves, blankets, snacks and stocking caps. I gave them my breakfast and coffee and reminded them they need to share. They gave me toothless smiles and bear hugs. It was the last time I saw Jimmy. So thankful I didn’t drive by, but stopped.

Crisis.

He called me at 11:30pm. He’s ready to kill himself. I go to his apartment and we sit. Eventually he agrees he needs help. I load him into the car and we go to the ER. They call him back and he asks me to go with him. I do. He’s talking mostly about his ex-wife and his son. He misses them. He doesn’t understand why he needs to take his psych meds forever. Why can’t he get better without them? He doesn’t have insurance so at 4am they release him to the streets.  He has no family or support system. The crisis has subsided, this time, for now. But, what about next time…

The Double Whammy.

She was crying, a LOT. But, they handed her to me anyway. I took off my pens and cuddled her on my shoulder. I was going to sing, but that would be bad. I bounced. I walked. I patted. I used my calming voice. She kept crying. Then she stopped. I heard this deep gurgle and then the gates opened wide. She puked all down my back and filled her diaper. I looked at her face. She was smiling.

Advocate.

He was in prison almost 30 years for murder. He cried the first time we met. He was so scared he didn’t know where to begin. He was overwhelmed by his new life. I helped him get a birth certificate and social security card. We got some fines paid off. He got his driver’s license. We got him a flip phone to start. I was a job reference for him. That was almost 3 years ago. Today he’s got a great job, an apartment, new dentures and a girlfriend. Oh and a smart phone.

Home visit.

She could see only shadows. Her cataracts were eating away her vision. I went over to read her mail to her, pay her bills and take her grocery shopping. She waited for almost two years for “the system” to approve her for eye surgery since she doesn’t have insurance. She has diabetes so no surgery until she got her diabetes under control. I sent her to a doctor friend of mine. Her health improved and she went in for surgery. First the left eye and then the right. The last time I saw her she could see my face and told me I don’t look like I sound.  I got a text from her tonite, “Look outside the sunset is amazing!” To God be the glory!

Listening.

She can’t quit crying. Her blood pressure is up. She needs to go to school to pick up her grandson, but she just needs to let it out. She tells me about her failed marriages, her daughter who is a drug addict and sucking her dry; the affairs, the gambling and she is worried she stinks because she hasn’t showered in 3 days, “They cut off the water.”  She took her car in for repairs and the estimate and total amount due weren’t even close. “So, I guess he’ll keep my car.” After 45 minutes, she wasn’t perspiring anymore and her cheeks weren’t bright red. She was much calmer. “You asked me if there was something I could be thankful for today. You. It’s you. I needed someone to listen and you did. Thank you.”

When you give to Isaiah 58, In His service you touch many lives in our community. You won’t hear about it on the TV or read about it in the paper. But, quietly, faithfully, with perseverance and thankfulness Isaiah 58, In His service loves on the underdogs that are missed, forgotten, overlooked, mistreated and hurting unimaginable hurts.

March is National Social Work month. I am a Social Worker; licensed, degreed and certified.  I bear witness that God can change lives. I am hopeful and will not give up. I love God’s calling on my life! I am a child of God and am so thankful to serve a compassionate and loving God!!

Know that you are prayed for.  Thank you!

In His service,

deni A. fholer, BSW, MSW, LMSW, CCFP

president / executive director

Isaiah 58, In His service, Inc.

Let my Heart Overflow

Over the last six months I have had a number of young people, in their 20’s come talk to me because of fear. Some were having panic attacks and some were waking up in the middle of the night, sweating from nightmares.

One young lady sat on the edge of the chair, clutching her backpack and as tears flowed she said, “What if this is it, I mean the end. What if I never get  married? Or have kids? I can’t relax or get the thoughts in my head to slow down.” She sobbed.

These young people weren’t my usual peeps. They were well dressed; going to college, driving their own car, well connected because Mom and Dad are from the middle class. They have life goals and are motivated.  But the instability of the world was closing in on them and they became terrified. TV, radio, newspaper, Internet – they were overwhelmed by what they were watching and reading.

Be choosy by what you absorb. We should be cautious about what we watch on TV, what news we read in the paper and what we see on the internet. We should be intentional to take in inspiration, hope and love so we can give inspiration, hope and love.

So many people I talk to confess that their Christian example is flushed down the toilet when they’re behind the wheel of a car. What is it that tics us off when someone ignores a red light, throws us the finger when they pass us going 15 MPH over the speed limit, honk when we don’t floor the gas pedal when the light turns green.

It's a bummer that many of these folks feel their blood pressure rise as they drive to work in the morning and their anger and bad attitude drips off them and rubs off on all their coworkers. Do you watch or listen to stories in the morning that sets your day up for failure?

Or do you lift up your morning commute to the Father before you walk out the door? Are you Bible searching for verses to recite when you encounter an early morning or late afternoon idiot driver?

Are you looking for God moments? Do you ask the Father to bring to your attention the good, the blessed and the thankful throughout your day? It’s humbling and empowering.

In line at a McDonalds. Two cars in front of me was a Mercedes. The car in front of me was an old clunker. The driver was young and as she pulled up to pay, her hands were filled with change. But, the employee said her meal had been paid for and she pointed to the Mercedes. The young driver became ecstatic and bounced in her seat, change dropping as she waved at the driver of the Mercedes.

Sitting at a signal light. Next to me was a landscape truck and trailer. Crossing in front of us was a senior man in a wheelchair. He was alone and working hard to cross the street pushing with his one foot. I heard one of the guys in the truck speak Spanish as he pointed. Then he got out of the truck and rushed to push the man safely to the sidewalk.

Driving our Comanche kids to church one morning we passed a highway exit that always has a homeless person sitting there flying a sign. As we crossed the railroad tracks we saw a KOTV news truck parked on the other side of the road. The driver was walking towards the homeless man with a bag and drink from a local fast food restaurant.

A mentally ill friend who struggles daily to remain in reality also happens to have the biggest heart of anyone I know. She called to tell me she made it through the end of the month with money left over. She cares for many of the senior ladies in her apartment complex. One of her grannies needed some groceries so my friend bought and delivered them. She wanted to be sure I knew she saved Isaiah 58, In His service money because she didn’t have to ask us for help. “God told me to do it, so I said ‘yes Sir’ and it made my heart overflow.’”

Last Sunday Pastor Alex finished his sermon series called Endzone. The series talked about finances, 10-10-80. Tithe 10%, save 10% and use the 80% to pay your monthly bills. To those of us in debt <house and car excluded> he said, “By being in debt you’re telling God that His provision isn’t enough.” Ouch, the truth can hurt.

He ended the series with an illustration. He talked about a junior in high school, “God got his heart last summer.” Pastor said the young man hadn’t missed one Sunday since God got him. He said the young man drove his car to the family vacation in Texas so he could come back to attend church on Sunday since the family wouldn’t be returning. He told how the young man is an athlete and began a Bible study with his teammates. He also told Pastor Alex that he is saving to go to Egypt on a mission trip, but he hadn’t received much financial support.

Pastor Alex said God put on his heart to pass the offering buckets in all of the Churchat. locations to cover the cost of the young man’s mission trip. He asked us to give $1.00. He said some of us may be giving for the first time and others may give much more. He said any money received over and above the cost of the mission trip will be put in an account for the young man to use as he serves our amazing God!!

Feel inspired? Exciting isn't it? Now ask God to help you pay attention. Ask Him to show you opportunities for you to love someone until your heart overflows. Ready. Set. Go.

Know that you are prayed for.

In His service, d

12th Annual Holiday Helping Hands Project - Love You More

“Are you ready to be adventurous?”

“Aunt deni, you’re not gonna make me get on top of the van are you?”

“Maybe later. See that lady at the bus stop? How about grabbing a blessing bag and wish her a Merry Christmas?”

His face lit up. He grabbed a bag and holding it out, he walked up to her. Her hands covered her mouth and then she wrapped her arms around him. I could hear her saying, “Thank you, Merry Christmas.” He was beaming when he got back into the van.

So, my 14 year old nephew and I drove around Tulsa delivering Christmas gifts to some of the 36 individuals and families we adopted for our 12^th annual Holiday Helping Hands Project. And along the way he gave blessing bags to lots of folks. It was amazing. This was the Friday before Christmas. This year was like no other.

On November 28^th we had $26.75 in our bank account. I reminded God that we were all in and He was not a God of disappointment and we had an upcoming deadline for one crusty ol’ guy that we had been loving on. I went to the post office after work expecting a gift.

It wasn’t there.

Okay, what have I missed? We made a promise that we would keep, but how? ‘God, who were you nudging to give to us, who isn’t listening? Will you nudge them harder…I promised we’d pay this bill.’ My eyes filled with tears, as I looked at my checkbook sitting on the passenger seat. Oh, wow am I slow. ME, you’re nudging ME. It was Wednesday and I was getting paid on Friday. I wrote the check. We paid the debt for the individual and I still had money in my account when I got that Friday paycheck. Praise Jesus!

All of our folks had been adopted except for 16 families, which meant the ministry would buy for them. We made two deposits on the 16^th for a total of $1400 and we received a check for $2,000 on the 17^th. Awesome!!! Everyone would be covered. In fact we adopted three more families the week of Christmas!

Don, a senior friend, who our family adopted two decades ago, wasn’t feeling well and refused to go to the hospital. A doctor friend of mine came to see him on Sunday and told me, “He’s dying.” I took a deep breath and we began to put a plan together and I went back to Don’s bedroom where he had been the past few days. I guess I had “that look” on my face because he reminded me, “I’m not gone yet, but you know I’m ready.” Monday he agreed to call an ambulance.

When EMSA arrived all were surprised to hear one of the paramedics say, “Oh, wow, I knew I’d been here before, hey man, I read your book!!” Don has written four books, which he proceeded to clarify. God knew exactly what he needed, and a book boost was it. Don was admitted with pneumonia on Monday night.

Tuesday morning at work, I received a call from my sister telling me that my mother had taken a turn for the worse. It was agreed to call in Hospice. I sensed I needed to be with Mom, but we had promised to pay an insurance premium for a man so he could have surgery that was scheduled in two days. I got a call from the hospital telling me his insurance had been cancelled. I called his employer and she said, “I can’t reinstate his insurance until the first month is paid for.” I had mailed the payment two days earlier, but it wouldn’t get to her in time. I told her I was on my way.

I gave her a check and told her when she receives the one I mailed to apply it to January’s payment. Then I jumped on 169 and drove to Mom’s nursing home. As afternoon turned to evening, we were all gathered at her bedside telling her good-bye. But, she rallied. “Love you Mom.” She smiled and said, “Love you more,” her signature reply each time we told her we love her.

When I got home I had a number of messages on my phone. One was Don’s doctor from the hospital. She said that they had called a code and revived him. I was his health care proxy and I reminded the doctor he was ready to leave this earth and go to glory. We agreed to put him on comfort care the same day we put my Mom on Hospice.

Wednesday, Mom continued to rally and eating toast, bacon and strawberry jam. So, I headed up to the hospital. I walked into the room to find a doctor talking to a nurse. I told him who I was and I confirmed that Don did not want extraordinary measures to keep him alive. I was on one side of the bed and the doctor was on the other. Tears began to flow as I talked to the doctor. Don reached up and put his hand on my cheek. The doctor looked at Don and said, “Are you ready to go see Jesus?” Don’s face beamed and he said, “JJJeeesssuuusss! Dooollllyyy!” His Savior and his wife who died long ago; he was ready.

His breakfast came and he ate with gusto. But, by lunch time he didn’t want a tray, but something else, “Brraauuuum’s” and he held up 3 fingers. I smiled, “You want Braum’s Neapolitan ice cream?” He smiled. Off I went. I came back with a full cup of ice cream. He ate every bite without opening his eyes once.

The professional part of me was locked into Social Work mode but the personal side was clinging to the robe of Jesus. Where did I need to be? With Mom? With Don? Buying and wrapping gifts? As God has always done for me, He comforted me, encouraged me and reminded me He’s got this - through music. Which is ironic if you’ve ever heard me sing.

Each time I got into my car, for a whole month, God played the song I needed exactly when I needed to hear it. “Breath of heaven, Hold me together, Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven, Breath of heaven, Lighten my darkness, Pour over me your holiness, For you are holy, Breath of heaven, Do you wonder as you watch my face, If a wiser one should have had my place, But I offer all I am, For the mercy of your plan, Help me be strong, Help me be, Help me.” Breath of Heaven - Amy Grant.

I trusted Him. I believed He would get me where I needed to be, when I needed to be there, but I prayed my free will wouldn’t get in His way. I got up early on Thursday morning and headed to Wal-Mart. I finished buying for our families. Then I headed to the hospital. Shortly thereafter my sister came up. By this time Don was one step closer to seeing his Savior…

I was going to leave for a few minutes; I picked up my coat and in walked a friend of Don’s. So I put my coat down. After he left, Elaine was going to leave, but housekeeping mopped the floor, so she decided to wait until the floor dried. We were alone with him. His breathing changed and his breaths became softer and further apart. I held his hand and we watched him take his last breath. It was 2:30pm.

God kept us with him. Calls were received and decisions were made. I texted his life group, Luke 10, to tell them he was finally home. A dear friend of mine came to the hospital with a Café Latte in hand. Before his body was removed, we were prayed for by one of the owners of the funeral home.

Mom was still rallying so I went home and finished wrapping and bagging gifts. Friday my nephew and I played Santa. We had delivered to everyone we promised to. A widow and Veteran, a family whose Dad had lost his job, a family that had been homeless for a year and just got housing, a boy who recently lost his Dad, a senior with dementia, a woman who recently had cataract surgery and could see for the first time in years, two homeless women, a homeless man, a grandpa raising his granddaughter, a Mom whose boyfriend abandoned her, two women struggling with depression, a man who has lost four jobs this year, a single Mom and her three kids, a Mom and adult daughter who both have serious health conditions, a woman who lives in a nursing home and has never had any family visit, a Grandma who lives with her daughter who struggles with mental illness, a woman trapped in her home due to hoarding, a Mom and Dad who are intellectually challenged. Each family and individual we give to are divinely guided to us. We ask for Christmas lists and promise they will be wrapped and delivered before Santa comes down the chimney on Christmas Eve. For 12 years we have fulfilled that promise, with God’s help and dedicated donors.

The week after Christmas we met with the funeral home, informed Don’s family of his passing, his friends and I wrote his obituary, in it we invited people to call for a Bible and prayer, and it was in the Tulsa World on December 28^th, his 93^rd birthday, the same day of his visitation.

January 1st it was freezing cold outside. As I was driving to church I saw one of my homeless guys. A gentle spirit. We have been loving on him for almost 7 years. He served in the National Guard but landed in the streets after his wife died. I pulled over and invited him into the van. He was so cold he couldn’t speak. I took him to church and gave him about 4 cups of coffee and some cocoa. He eventually warmed up and said he was hungry so I took him to McDonald’s. Then I drove him back to his friend’s house and strongly encouraged him to stay inside. “Don’t worry about me little sis.” It was the last time I saw him alive. He died on January 5^th at the age of 56.

The following Thursday my Mom began declining. This time there would be no rally to follow. She died early on Monday morning, January 9^th. Three weeks from the day we put Mom and Don on Hospice, they were both in Heaven.

The day after Mom died I was invited to the first, You Are Special transitional house. About 11 of us gathered in this newly remodeled home. We sang songs. We prayed. We talked about why God had brought us together. We listened to the testimony of a young couple, who were drowning in drugs and sin, yet Jesus reached out to them in miraculous ways. What God is doing in their lives is powerful. They are the beginning of the end of generational sin in their families.

Most everyone in the room had known Jesus but confessed of turning our backs on Him and then repenting time and time again. But, the message that resonated was that all the times before, we weren’t serious. We still believed we could be the servant God called us to be by trying harder. Only until we fall on our faces at the feet of Jesus and surrender every single piece of us to Him; only then can He truly use us. Only then can we be a part of the miraculous. It was the rawness of the surrender in the room that welcomed Jesus. I was exactly where I needed to be, so thankful.

God will give us more than we can bear. He did me. He gave me way much more than I could handle this past month. He wants us to need Him and Him alone. In my own strength I would have crashed and burned early on. But, because I confessed to Him that I had no idea how to be at three places at once, the needs were too big and I was exhausted and I had nothing, not a drop left. It was then that I surrendered. I cried out to Him to lead wholly and completely. He quietly picked me up and carried me to the other side. He got me where He needed me to be because I wasn’t fighting Him, I was holding onto Him with both hands.

Now that I look back over the past month, I am humbled by His love. Love that was evident in the kindness of others, of subtle gestures, of His mercy and grace and impeccable timing. He is teaching me that He really does love us, that much. That if you were the only person on earth, He would still have sent His son to die for you. I hope that sinks in.

After the time of fellowship on Tuesday evening, I got in the car and turned on the radio, “,Your love is my armor, I fear no evil, Darkness runs from Your light, So I won’t be afraid, I won't be afraid, You’re going before me and oceans are parting, You’re fighting my battles, When my feet are failing and my heart is shaking, You’re fighting my battles, Time after time, You’re my refuge, You heal every scar, You’re guarding my heart, Your promise, the hope that I cling to, My rescue, my friend, You come rushing in.” Battles – The Afters

I am filled to overflowing and I can’t see what I’m writing because of thankful tears. Know that each of you who chooses to love on our families and folks mean so much! Each of you who bought gifts, sent a check, donated turkeys and clothes and backpacks, a Christmas tree, prayers, bikes and blessing bags touched lives for Jesus. Thank you for being obedient to the nudgings of Jesus!! Thank you to those who loved on me this month. Each prayer was savored and answered.

Know that you are prayed for. May you surrender all.

In His service, deni

We can do more. We can do better.

“I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel form the first day until now, being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:3-6

Don "Smokestack Jack" Shank

Donald “Don” E. Shank Obituary

Donald E. Shank, age 92, passed from this life on December 22, 2016 at St. John Medical Center, Tulsa, OK.

Born December 28, 1923 in Tulsa, OK to Lloyd and Lena Shank. Don was a loving husband, owner of Don Shank and Associates Advertising Agency, an author of four books, and a wonderful friend to many. He was a lifelong member of First Baptist Church Tulsa; he graduated from Central High School and was a University of Tulsa alumnus. Don was an honorable WWII veteran who loved his country. He served in the U.S. Army Air Corps, and was stationed in Italy during the war from 1943-1945. He received the European-African-Middle Eastern with 2 Bronze Battle Stars, Good Conduct Medal and 3 Overseas Bars.

Don was preceded in death by his parents, Lloyd and Lena Shank, his three brothers, Max, Howard and Wayne “Linx” Shank and Dolly Jane, his wife of 42 years. Don and Dolly had no children.

He is survived by nieces, nephews and cousins. He also leaves behind many friends, Marilyn Inhofe Davis, Jack Pirtle, Sara Lytle, Doris Fholer and her family, his beloved Luke 10 Life Group, and his closest friends and caregivers, William McWilliams, Roseanne Yoakum and Deni Fholer.

Don’s relationship with Jesus was the most important part of his life. Daily he would tell friends about talks he had with Jesus and he lived for opportunities to share his faith and minister with Deni in the community.

John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him, will not perish but have eternal life.” This is Don’s prayer for you. If you sense that your life is missing something, if your loneliness and despair cannot be filled by the things of this life, it is time to come to Jesus. Call 918-260-1933, prayer and a Bible are waiting for you.

Don was adamant about not having a funeral. A visitation will be held on Wednesday, December 28, 2016 (his birthday) at Dillon Marler Dighton Funeral Home, 1200 N. Cleveland Ave., Sand Springs, OK 74063, from 3pm to 7pm.

In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to: Isaiah 58, In His Service, Inc. PO Box 521063, Tulsa, OK 74152. 918-260-1933.

Christ of Christmas!

"Jesus came into the world to save all kinds of people; rich or poor, black or white, educated or illiterate, sophisticated or ordinary - or anyone in between. Only two groups of people gathered at God's invitation to pay Him homage when He was born. One was the shepherds - lowly, at the bottom of the social ladder, uneducated, unsophisticated. The other was the wise men - intellectuals, from another race and country, wealthy, respected. The two groups could hardly have been more different! God brought both groups to Bethlehem - one by an angelic announcement, one by the appearance of a miraculous star.  And by bringing both, God was telling us that Jesus is the Savior for EVERYONE! Every person stands in need of His forgiveness and new life - and every person can know it, if he or she only repents and makes that journey to the Christ of Christmas. No matter who you are in the eyes of others, you need Christ. And no matter what you have done, He loves you and stands ready to welcome you." Hope for Each Day by Billy Graham