Saturday, February 1, 2014

I'm Gonna Do Something!

I woke up this morning
Saw a world full of trouble now
Thought, how’d we ever get so far down
How’s it ever gonna turn around
So I turned my eyes to Heaven
I thought, “God, why don’t You do something?”
Well, I just couldn’t bear the thought of
People living in poverty
Children sold into slavery
The thought disgusted me
So, I shook my fist at Heaven
Said, “God why don’t You do something?”
He said, “I did, I created you.”

If not us, then who
If not me and you
Right now, it’s time for us to do something
If not now, then when

Will we see an end
To all this pain
It’s not enough to do nothing
It’s time for us to do something
I’m so tired of talking
About how we are God’s hands and feet
But, it’s easier to say than be
Live like angels of apathy who tell ourselves
It’s alright, “Somebody else will do something”
Well I don’t know about you
But I’m sick and tired of a life with no desire
I don’t want a flame, I want a fire
I wanna be the one who stands up and says,
“I’m gonna do something”
We are the salt of the earth
We are a city on a hill
But we’re never gonna change the world
By standing still

No we won’t stand still!!!
No we won’t stand still!!!
No we won’t stand still!!!
  • Matthew West, Into the Light
                                                                                                                                

Eddie Warrior Commencement Address November 2013


I was asked to give the commencement address to the graduating class at Eddie Warrior Correctional Center on November 07, 2013.  There were 44 ABE graduates, 18 Literacy graduates, 4 Connors State College graduates and 61 GED graduates. It was an honor I will cherish forever. Thank you to Harrel Tomlin and Warden Sharon McCoy.

Hellllooo. It is just so awesome that I get to be here with you on this special day!           

Not long after I graduated from high school my Mom told me I could either go to college or I could go to California and try my hand at my dream career – which was becoming a stuntwoman!  At the time I did NOT want to go to college so I headed to CA. I stayed out there for 3 years and I was stoked to be able to learn all kinds of stunts, like being thrown out of buildings, set on fire, hit by cars, doing vehicle transfers. I got to write and perform in live action dramas and meet some really famous people. I eventually got my Screen Actors Guild card and did a few movies and television shows. I must tell you that after a 20+ year career my entire screen time lasts about as long as a cat in water…meooww...

I returned to Tulsa and got involved in a church and an incredible life group. Even though I was saved when I was 8yo, this period of time with Jesus showed me what relationships were all about. He introduced me to serving outside my comfort zone and taught me what obedience was all about. During this time Jesus revealed to me some invaluable truths. At some point in my life I would be called into ministry. He gave me the chapter of Isaiah 58 in the Bible as a promise that the lessons and truths in that chapter would one day come to fruition in my life.  He also impressed upon me that I would never marry and I would never have children. He was preparing me for a life that would be radically different from many of my peers.

However, I was enthusiastic and impatient so I met with one of my pastors and I told him what God had shown me. I guess I thot he’d go, “Wow, that’s great, let me help you get that ministry up and running.” Instead he was somewhat condescending and patted my hand and told me that I was too young and inexperienced to serve God in such a big way.  He told me I knew nothing of the world and I needed life experience before I could minister to others.  I was devastated and I began to doubt my faith and my relationship with Christ. Did I not hear God? Was I really that far off base? I figured I had no discernment and was just screwing everything up…

I distinctly remember talking with a friend at the time and I said, “If the pastor is right then I need to find out what the world is all about. So, I’m putting God on a shelf and maybe I’ll get back to Him and maybe I won’t.”  As I said that I felt as if Jesus’ hand was lifted from me – He didn’t leave me mind you – but He is a gentle God and He allowed me to exercise my free will and go out and mess up my life…at least for awhile.

I experienced the world and I made tons of mistakes, I hurt lots of people but mostly I disappointed me…and with each mistake I made there was a part of me that was sad because in my heart I knew I was intentionally and knowingly choosing to sin. 

I began working for a residential treatment program for abused and neglected children. Those little ones had been physically, sexually, emotionally and verbally abused.  They were  very damaged children and experienced more torture and suffering by the age of six than many of us experience in a lifetime.   

During my 7 years at the Yahweh Center…I saw how God could transform lives.  Because one of the lives He transformed was me.  Jesus reminded me that He loved me and He still had a plan and a purpose for my life…if only I would seek His forgiveness.  He reminded me that He knew all about my rebellion and my secrets and He still cared for me.  He was still waiting with open arms for me to repent and turn from my life of sin…and eventually I did!

I met two amazing Social Workers and they encouraged me to go to college. I was 33 at the time and I laughed at them and said I would never make it, first, I was too old and second, I really sucked in school.  In fact when I started the first grade I hated it. I was used to playing outside and then all of a sudden I had to sit in a class and write and listen!! AAHHH. So, one day I decided to hit my teacher over the head with my lunch pail and I went screaming down the hallway and out the front door. My sister was in 6th grade, sitting in the principal’s class as I made my dramatic exit. Needless to say she was mortified.  However, she did eventually forgive me, which is a reminder of God’s ability to soften hearts.

I took one college class with encouragement from these social workers and hey the school didn’t implode and I actually passed the class! I worked full-time and went to college on a half time basis for 7 years. Finally, one of the counselors called me in and said, “You know deni if you ever want to get a degree you’ll need to go to school full-time.” I applied at Meredith College in Raleigh and was accepted and earned by Bachelors in Social Work degree. Then I went to UNC-Chapel Hill for my Masters in Social Work. It took me 10 years to get 2 degrees. I got a few scholarships but I took the responsibility for paying for my education myself. I now have a license in Social Work and I’m a Certified Compassion Fatigue Professional. I will always have student loans…but I would do it all again the same way in a heartbeat.  My education is something I worked hard for and it means the world to me. Most importantly, it is God’s plan for my life. Because of my education He has me serving Him in ways I never could have without going to school.

In 2004 I moved back to Tulsa after living in NC for 16 years.  My family lives there and my house is in the heart of the population He has called me to minister to.  I spend most of my time w/ folks who are hurting. People who put God on a shelf, like I did and are lost in despair and hopelessness.  I am a Crisis Social Worker now and there are days when I am literally in the midst of life or death situations.  I could never do what I do without my life experiences or without my education or most importantly without my Heavenly Father.

God fulfilled His promise to me when Isaiah 58, In His Service became a 501©3 nonprofit ministry in 2010. You see I did hear the Father all those years ago when He told me I was going to be called into ministry. However, the pastor was right, 30 years ago I wouldn’t have been prepared for the ministry I am doing today.  Even though I left Christ to experience the world…He was teaching me and growing me even in my disobedience.  He knew that one day I would come back. He knew that He would one day use me to serve Him once I got out of His way and got the world out of my system. I was His prodigal daughter.

I must admit there were days when I felt so small, so insignificant in a big cruel world. I wondered how God could care about me. With all the chaos out there He had to be distracted from even knowing I existed.

I went on a mission trip to Guatemala last month. This trip was being planned about a year before we were to leave.  The villages we were to visit were being decided upon months ago.  One of the villages we went to was St. Joseph’s high in the mountains in an extremely remote area.  When our van rounded a corner, we could see on the crest of a hill hundreds of people standing in line waiting for us.  It was a humbling sight.

We took a medical team with us.  This village had NEVER had a medical team visit them before, in fact many of the villagers had never seen a doctor.  But, on this particular Wednesday on this particular day in October God divinely guided our team to this village for a specific purpose.

One of the doctors listened to the heart of an 8yo little girl and determined a defect. She had a hole in her heart.  The pediatric nurse practitioner examined another child that had pneumonia.  Both of these children were transported to Guatemala City for medical treatment that saved both of their lives.  The coordination and networking that had been established over the proceeding years came into play on that specific day so that these two little ones could be saved.

God cared so much for these 2 children that He orchestrated everything so we would be there and have the supports in place to make a difference in the lives of these families. We were not there by chance or coincidence.  Isn’t that just the coolest?  Now, if God can bring a bunch of Americans thousands of miles away to a remote mountain village for 2 children – He can touch your life right where you are, right now, even in this little town of Taft, Oklahoma. He sees what you’ve accomplished, what you are struggling with, what you’re afraid of, what you want, what you need and He wants to be here for you.

Psalms 139 says, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well…How precious to me are your thots, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand, When I awake I am still with you!”

So, now it is not my life, it is His. He is no longer on the shelf…but I am. You see the greatest gift He has taught me is that He is all I need. I have worked with so many women who feel as if they have to have a man in their life to feel complete or because they are codependent or just can’t stand being alone.  Now, I realize not everyone is called to be single like I am. But, the key is laying your life at the foot of the cross and being willing to do whatever He calls you to do.  Once you do that…then He will give you the desires of your heart. Because once you give Him all of you, you’ll only want what He wants for you and that is His best.

Ladies you have accomplished much. Don’t stop. Now that you’ve come this far…keep going.  Ask God to show you what His plan and purpose for your life is.  I promise it will be better than anything you could ever dream of yourself.

Ladies, you rock!!!  Congratulations!

 

Thursday, November 07, 2013

Guatemala, October 2013

I was listening to a lady sharing with someone else about a recent mission trip she went on. She said before they left, they asked for safe traveling mercies, no bumps in the traveling schedule, beautiful weather, etc. She said when she returned God answered their prayers, everything was perfect, she got some great pictures and had a wonderful time.


When asked about what God did while they were there she said, "The children were so cute and loved everything we gave them."

I shook my head and my heart sank. Until 2010 I purposely did not want to go on short term international mission trips simply because it sounded to me like it was a great opportunity for wealthy pew sitters to go on vacation and say they did some good work for God.


I went to Poland in 2010 and God began closing my eyes to why other people went on mission trips and began opening my eyes to why HE wanted me to go on mission trips.

In October 2013, I went to Guatemala with a group from First Baptist Church Tulsa and we met some people from Mexico and Louisiana who joined us to serve. I made a concerted effort before we left to ask my life group, Luke 10 to pray for God's will to be done, to not pray for safety but to pray for salvation and for the team to stay out of God's way.


We were supposed to leave bright and early on a Monday morning but the plane to Houston was delayed by hours so we left late Monday afternoon. By the time we got to the motel it was like 3am or so. The plan was for us to package medicines for the first village on Monday afternoon but instead we were doing it early Tuesday morning.

I went to the restaurant to gather coffee for some of the preppers and ended up spilling coffee on my left forearm and stomach. I immediately had empathy for the senior who sued McDonald's over a coffee spill...if I listened closely I could hear my arm sizzling...but I praised God anyway...

We ventured high into the Guatemalan mountains in a couple of 15 passenger vans. The roads had gravel on them which offered some comfort but at times you could look out the window straight down and see what looked to be a thousand foot drop. Because of the weight of so many of us in the van...we pulled over and walked down for fear that if we drove down the van wouldn't make it back up the mountain to get us out.


We crossed an Indiana Jones bridge on foot and were greeted by policia with large knives, larger guns and uniforms. I was unsure if they were there to protect us or to protect the villagers from these radical Americans.

We brought a medical team, a construction team and a ministering team with boots and shoes and Bible stories and games. The ladies and girls of the villages wore brightly colored tops and skirts, handmade by the women. They lived in small buildings made with wood...often you could see through the slats in the walls and floors. No insulation, no TV, or Wii, no X-box or Ipod...however, we did see a cell phone hanging in a pouch outside above the hammock.

The hills were covered in corn stalks, chickens roamed freely and many of the kidlets were barefooted and maneuvering the uneven and steep terrain with ease. The women prepared lunch for us, carrots, white rice, squash, tortillas and remember those chickens? Killed, cleaned and cooked in one day; crunchy on the outside and tender on the inside. Delicious!

The village of St. Joseph was high in the mountains and we were told we were the first missionary team that had ever been to this village. Pastor Joseph was an amazing man of God. He and the pastors of the other villages had been preparing the villagers for our visits for months. They gathered the shoe size information so we could purchase the shoes and they shared with the villagers why we were coming...to share the love of Jesus in a tangible way.

A young child was diagnosed with pneumonia by our nurse practitioner. Our lead contact in Guatemala and our team contact made arrangements to get this child in a vehicle and take her to the hospital in Guatemala. But, the Mom said 'no.' She was afraid she'd never see her child again. Our team rallied around this family and prayed for them, asking God to give them peace and to help them to trust that the plan was in the best interest of their child. Thankfully, the Mom agreed. The child made it to the hospital and received medicine and recovered fully. Praise God!

Another child was found to have a hole in her heart. Again, the contacts from both teams worked together to get this child to the Kiros House in Guatemala, sort of a Ronald McDonald house, just a few blocks from the hospital. It is my understanding the child and her family are staying in Kiros House so the little one can receive treatment.

Think of this. A group of Americans plan a mission trip a year or more in advance. They pray and collaborate with the missionaries in Guatemala to get everything organized. The pastors of the villages prepare the villagers for the aid that is coming. But, only God knew two children were going to need the medical intervention that was available only on that Wednesday in October.

How cool is that?

The village we visited on Thursday was not far from the highway and the villagers wore clothes much like we do. They had bathrooms with toilets that thankfully for me, were only a few yards from where we were ministering.

I woke up Thursday morning feeling a bit loose, at least my bowels were. By the time we got to the village and had set up for our first group of kidlets, I had visited the toilet about 5 times. God divinely guided my stealth exits to the bathroom in-between my opportunities to teach the kidlets a few phrases in English. Eventually standing became a major effort so I encouraged and prayed for the kidlets from a chair.

When we had seen all of our kidlets, the team continued to love on them while the medical team continued to see everyone who wanted to see a medical provider. I sat in a far corner, feeling the color drain from my face and wondering how in the world could anything be left inside me that wanted so desperately to come out. I stood and felt as if I just got off a roller coaster...I felt the volcano readying to erupt and my eyes were fixed on the door. I made it.

Now, I longed for the door of the bathroom and that it was available but ugh, it looked so far away...I made it about halfway and the sky tipped and down I went. It had rained earlier so I was covered in mud. I determined to rise and walk and I am certain if anyone saw me they would have assumed I had been drinking alcohol, my feet seemed detached from my legs and I was certain an alien was about to burst through my stomach. I stepped onto the concrete floor in the bathroom and the next thing I remember was the volcano erupting, I collapsed into a puddle of water, I hoped...Then I felt someone tugging at my arm and patting my head. What I heard over and over again was, "Dios, Dios, Dios."

What brought me to my senses was that the woman was praying for me. She also seemed to be screaming indiscriminately to anyone who would listen. I managed to crawl into the stall and close the door. Immediately members of our medical team were there to rescue me. However, at that moment I was exceedingly humbled and realized I had no back-up jeans for just such an occasion. Eventually I cleaned up, best that I could, and was assisted into the medical area for the doc to take a look see. 

I knew I was gonna be okay, because every food particle and liquid that I had consumed for the past month was now a part of the landscape...so there could not be anything left to cause chaos. Apparently, I was pale and the doc mentioned by blood pressure was 84/60...a bit low for me. He gave me some antibiotics and strongly encouraged me to drink water. I was escorted to a truck and delivered back to the motel. 

I've been told I survived the "Guac Squats," and I should be proud. Alas, it was the most humiliating experience of my life and the most amazing experience of my life. There I was thousands of miles from home and pooping all over myself and being prayed for by someone who didn't know me but knew I needed a healing hug from the Father.


How cool is that?

The last night we were in Guatemala City, our team shared God moments from the experience:

17 people came to Jesus on this trip!!! Hallelujah!!


The construction team said it was so awesome to share with the villagers what they were going to do and then the villagers jumped in to work...they were investing in their future.

Pastor Francisco from St. Joseph prayed for us before we left. His words were profound and guided by the Holy Spirit. Jesus had visited his village that day and he was thankful...and he also asked that they not be forgotten.

One of our team members pulled her hair brush out of her purse and brushed a little girl's hair and then put it in a ponytail...a line formed and this team member continued to love on these little girls by brushing and styling their hair...


Two of our team members taught the village children how to jump rope and play Duck, Duck, Goose and simple games that our kids take for granted..

Team members blew up balloons and let them fly...the villagers knocked each other over to get one...simple pleasures...

A little boy was wearing boots that had holes in them, you could see his toes sticking out. After he received his new boots, he took the old ones off and put on the new ones...the smile he shared was breathtaking!

On the van driving through Guatemala city one of the docs and our Bible teacher sang Open the Eyes of my Heart in English and Spanish...it was a blessing...a subtle reminder that we can always do more and do better....

We visited the Kiros House in Guatemala City a couple blocks from the hospital. This is an incredible, loving ministry for kids with cancer. They do not charge for their services and the whole family of each child who is being treated at the hospital can stay in the Kiros House. So many of these families are from the villages, like the ones we ministered to and cannot afford to go back and forth. 

The executive director (the son of the mighty man of God who began this ministry) told us a story. He said a number of years ago there were two little boys staying in the Kiros House and got bored and decided to go AWOL and ended up at the soccer stadium down the road. They watched a professional team practicing and eventually the kidlets caught the eye of the goalie.

The goalie came over and talked with the boys...and they told him their story. His heart was touched and he went to the Kiros House and found out more about this amazing ministry. This goalie fell in love with the kidlets and families and staff of the Kiros House and became a devoted supporter.

Eventually, the goalie's team won the World Cup and the goalie played an integral part in the victory so media from all over the world wanted an interview. The goalie said, "Sure, I'll give interviews but you have to interview me at a specific location..."

He brought them all to the Kiros House and he was asked question after question about his contributions in winning the World Cup...but he kept redirecting the conversation to the ministry. He shared what a great work was taking place, how lives were being transformed, how they struggled financially and how invaluable their services are.


People responded and many folks fell in love with the Kiros House and began supporting this great work. They are now praying for a bigger location so they can minister to more people. As you can guess, the need is astronomical.

I have a scar now on my left arm where I spilled the coffee on me. Every time I look at the scar, I will think of Guatemala and Jesus. I was obedient to my Father by simply being present and He brought 17 people unto Him...and I got to be there to see Him work!

God simply asks, "Who can I send? Who will go for Me?"

Here I am Lord, send me.
deni






Saturday, August 24, 2013

"Deni. DENI! I'm Having a Stroke..."


On Friday, August 16th, I got the telephone call that we all dread. My Mom called and said she was having a stroke. Although most of my days are filled with responding to crises…it’s different when it’s your Mom. I felt the color leave my face, my heart started beating faster and my palms began to sweat. I was at work, so I grabbed my stuff and bolted out the door.

As I drove to their house…I was talking to the Father…please help me think and not react, remind me that I do this all the time and be calm, help me explain this to my Dad…is this really a stroke?? Father, no matter what, keep her in the palm of your hand…

Mom was at the Braum’s and her left arm fell useless. She however, got in her car and drove home. My Dad suffers from dementia and she wanted to talk to him before she was taken to the hospital. When I got to the house, I had 911 on the phone and we did the steps to check for stroke. I asked Mom to smile, to try to raise her left arm, to say a sentence. As we were checking she said she could feel the numbness and tingling going down her left leg.

My parents live in “no man’s” land between Tulsa and Sand Springs and I was keenly concerned that EMSA would get lost even though I gave directions to the 911 operator. No kidding, they pulled up in front of their house in 7 minutes. In came 3 firemen and 3 paramedics. I got Mom’s meds together and talked to my Dad. He just looked at me and all I saw was fear. We got Mom’s rings and watch off. They did the stroke checklist, checked her blood pressure, which was very high and decided they needed to move faster.

2 firemen picked her up and carried her out the front door and put her on the gurney. One of the paramedics was talking to my Dad saying it was a good thing we acted quickly. My Dad was confused and scared. He didn’t understand why I asked him to go to the hospital and wanted to stay in the house, “I want to be here when she comes back.”

So, I got in my car and called my sister. I told her we were headed to St. John Medical Center and Dad was frantic but still at the house. My sister was on nephew duty so she drove to my parents’ house to be with Dad. I called my younger sister and she and I met at SJMC ER.

When we got into the exam room, Dr. Wilson and Heather, RN were intently caring for my Mom. A CT scan had been done to confirm it was an ischemic stroke. Mom’s blood pressure was at one point 216/120. We began trying to pinpoint when the stroke started.

With a stroke, time is of the essence.  By confirming when Mom’s ischemic stroke began, determined if they could give her Intravenous Recombinant Tissue Type Plasminogen Activator or t-PA; a blood clot buster medicine.  t-PA needed to be administered within 3 hours of the start of the stroke. We determined we were still within that time frame.

Then entered Dr. Anna (Wanahita) as she introduced herself; the Medical Director of the St. John Heyman Stroke Center. The stroke center has been awarded advanced certification for comprehension stroke centers and ranked 10 percent nationally by the Joint Commission.  Dr. Anna had an incredibly intense bedside manner, with a touch of humor.  My Mom at times had trouble answering questions because of the loudness of the controlled chaos in the room.  Medical staff was moving at lightning speed and she couldn't hear and struggled to understand what Dr. Anna was saying.

This did not faze Dr. Anna in the least. She repeated her questions, continually checked Mom’s signs and symptoms, projected a calming effect and was in control of making decisions that saved my Mom’s life.

When it was determined t-PA could be given and Dr. Anna had ordered, Dr. Anna stayed right by my Mom, checking her and even telling my Mom that she is a new Mom. She also continually checked the clock, and when she decided it had been too long and the t-PA needed to be injected NOW, she leaned out into the hallway and strongly encouraged staff to step it up a notch. Her face was intent while looking down the hall, but immediately softened when she stepped back into the room and beside my Mom’s bed.

One of the possible side effects of this medicine is bleeding into the brain. The goal of giving her this med is to “attack” blood clots and drastically reduce the size of them thereby reducing the amount of permanent damage. Once the medicine was given, Dr. Anna remained bedside and continuously checked Mom for lessening of symptoms, “Smile, raise your arm and touch your nose, now the other side, lift your leg, which leg am I touching….”

It wasn’t long before positive indications were noted of Mom’s improvement.  But, the hub-bub of the staff in her room and the gravity of what could happen to her, finally hit her.  She began to cry and looked at me and said, “You’ve GOT to pray for me.” I leaned over her bed and took her hands into mine. I began beseeching the Father…for a miracle…for peace…for His loving presence…for every doctor, nurse and staff person…as I prayed I felt the warmth of God’s peace and I realized how quiet it was. No one was moving or talking…in the center of a sense of urgency for a few moments there was silence and the Spirit of God filled that room…and fear was banished.

As soon as I said, “Amen,” I kissed my Mom and the movement immediately began again. They took Mom for another CT scan and then took her to ICU for the next 24 hours.

On Saturday, Dr. Dunaway came to tell us what happened.  He began saying how he shouldn’t be talking with Mom, because of the size of the blood clot - she should have died. He held up his hands and it was about the size of a cantaloupe, “But now it’s about this size.” He used his thumb and index finger to indicate something about the size of a pea.  He also told her that she has had over 50 TIA’s (Transient Ischemic Attack) on the left side of her brain and she is filled with blockage. He told her that he hoped she enjoyed her last cigarette because it was her LAST cigarette or she’d be back in the hospital with another stroke and the next outcome most likely wouldn’t be as miraculous as this one.

My Mom’s left arm, left leg and speech are normal! To look at her you would never guess she had a stroke that almost killed her. She was discharged to home – no rehab – on the Monday after her stroke – truly miraculous!

She is on more medicines now and she has been cigarette free since her stroke and she has been blessed with an incredible gift of continued life. Needless to say, my Dad was so thrilled to have her home...we all were. 

My sisters and brother's-in-law worked seamlessly taking care of our Mom and Dad. Emails and texts were sent to prayer warriors, we each went where we needed to be exactly when we needed to be there, folks rallied and were at the ready if needed – it truly was a divinely guided weekend.

My Mom knows Jesus so if He had chosen to take her; we would still be giving Him the glory.  I’m sharing this because there are lessons to be communicated.

First, if you’re a smoker….this could happen to you. If you want to quit but don’t think you can call 1-800-STOP-NOW or give E-cigarettes a try.

Next, my Mom was given t-PA with 23 minutes to spare. With a stroke, getting the person quickly to the hospital is critical. My Mom’s symptoms weren’t textbook, but the loss of function of her left arm and the rate at which she was losing function in her left leg were big red flags.

These are the warning signs for a stroke taken from the National Stroke Association website – www.stroke.org:

Use FAST to remember the warning signs of a stroke:

F – Face. Ask the person to smile. Does one side of the person’s face droop?

A – Arms. Ask the person to raise their arms. Does one arm drift downward?

S – Speech. Ask the person to repeat a simple phrase. Is their speech slurred or strange?

T -  Time. If you notice ANY of these symptoms call 911 immediately.

Also, try to remember when the first symptoms of a stroke start; time is critical in determining when t-PA can be given. At the FIRST signs of a stroke call 911.

Ruminating over the last weekend, it is humbling to see the many miracles God gave our family. One of the most amazing gifts was how He divinely guided the medical personnel who cared for my Mom. When I was driving to the ER from my parent’s home one of the things I talked to the Father about was giving me righteous anger and the ability to articulate for the advocacy of best practice for my Mom. So many times I have gone to the hospital and felt as if I was going into battle because so many hospital staff forget or don’t care about the importance of being professional, compassionate and empathetic.

Thankfully, each medical staff member we encountered was professional, compassionate, patient and empathetic. Our family would like to thank the following doctors, nurses and staff members. You not only moved with a sense of urgency, you did so with a sense of humor and an attitude of grace that made all the difference in the world to my Mom and my family.

Dr. Anna Wanahita
Dr. Wilson (ER)
Heather, RN (ER)
Dr. Dunaway (Stroke Team)
Natalie, RN (ICU)
Dr. S (ER, ICU)
Margaret, APRN (ER)
Nine West Staff

In His service, deni

Saturday, June 29, 2013

Why Do We Hesitate When God Calls Us To Action?

We've all been there...minding our own business...when you begin to feel Him nudging you..."what me?" You look around and then you see him or her and your heart pounds harder...but then your hands start to sweat and your mind starts to race..."Oh, Father...now? Me? But, I'm on my way to work...You don't want me to be late...I work so I can tithe and give to others...what if he/she gets offended? What? You want me to offer them a ride? You know what my Mom would say if I did that...she would so freak out...if I die how can I continue to serve You?????? God? Is this really YOU???"         

Okay, so now you're passing by the bus stop and the person you KNOW you're supposed to offer a ride to...looks directly in your eyes...as you drive by....the nudging from God gets so strong that you cannot resist so you drive around the block and when you get back there...the person's gone...

Is hesitation, disobedience? What if today is that person's last day on earth? What if that person is in a domestic violence relationship and they were praying to God for someone, anyone to care, to offer to help...and God nudged you...and you didn't respond?

WHY DO WE HESITATE WHEN GOD SAYS GO??

I call it trying to rationalize an irrational act.  Our mind starts making up excuses not to act and they can be rational thoughts. "It isn't safe to pick up strangers in this day and age." "I could get sanctioned for being late to work." "My car is almost out of gas"...to the world this is responsible thinking.

What we need to think when we sense that undeniable nudge from Jesus...

Mark 2:13-14 - "Once again Jesus went out beside the lake. A large crowd came to Him, and He began to teach them. As He walked along, He saw Levi son of Alphaeus sitting at the tax collector's booth. "Follow me." Jesus told him, and Levi got up and followed Him.

Forget about being late to work...Matthew was AT work and he immediately - without hesitation - got up and followed Jesus. Wow!! Jesus had dinner at his house that night. We have the book of Matthew in the Bible and so much more because he didn't hesitate.

Just think what would have happened if Matthew gave into that "rational/irrational" thinking? He could have rationalized his way out of eternity...

Roy Kostner is a Valedictorian and was asked to give a speech at his South Carolina High School graduation.  He took the time to write a speech but when he stepped up to the podium...he ripped up his speech...and he said he was so thankful that his parents led him to Christ at a young age...and then he recited the Lord's prayer!! You see prayer had recently been banned at school functions. He jumped out in faith and did what God nudged him to do...God doesn't call us to do easy things...He calls us to do the hard stuff, the take-your-breath-away stuff, the stuff that is crazy to the world but life transforming to the lost...

There are consequences to hesitation...

I was walking to the doctor's office with my Dad and I looked across the sidewalk and heard a senior calling out to someone. His right leg was shaking fiercely, he was using a rollator but there was no one by him.  In my head I was running towards him, but in reality I was hesitating, "Surely, whoever is with him will grab him." Then it was like God nudged me with His foot and I ran over to the senior as he was going down. I grabbed him and held him as his leg continued to shake violently. He kept calling out a name...his daughter's...and I continued to hold him and calm him down. Eventually his daughter was there and about 3 other people. I turned him around and sat him down. His daughter finished parking the car and came back. She was very grateful that I held him but terrified of what would have happened if he fell on the concrete.

According to his hat he was a Veteran of World War II and his skin was thin, he was hard of hearing and his face was filled with fear. So, if he had fallen and broken a hip or hit his head...that would have been a life changer for this man. The beginning of the end for many seniors. Inaction has consequences...I'm just thankful he held on until I moved.

So many times we remain inactive because we think, "SURELY, someone else will go..." If I had moved immediately maybe the man would have calmed down faster. He wouldn't have had to call out in fear to his daughter, because he would have been safe sooner, if only I didn't hesitate.

For a little conviction read, The Cost of Following Jesus in Luke 9:57-62...hesitation can cost everything. "Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?" `Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind and love your neighbor as yourself.'  (Luke 10:27) Now read Luke 1-:25-37, the story of the Good Samaritan...so which one are you?

In Matthew 9: 18-26, Jesus was talking and a man comes up to Him and tells Him that his daughter just died. The man asks Jesus to come put a hand on his daughter so she might live again. Jesus did not hesitate, He immediately got up to go with the man. But, wait..."Just then a woman who had been subject to bleeding for 12 years came up behind Him and touched the edge of His cloak. She said to herself, "If I only touch His cloak, I will be healed." Jesus turned and saw her. `Take heart, daughter,' he said, `your faith has healed you.' And the woman was healed from that moment." Jesus then walked on to the man's house and took the dead girl's hand and she stood up!!

I think of this woman who has been bleeding for 12 years. Can you even imagine? She had no PCP to go to, no tests to be run, no diagnosis, possibly no hope. Until she heard about Jesus. She may have seen Jesus before and watched Him heal people. Maybe she was standing in the crowds listening to Him many times before.  She may have been having rational/irrational thoughts, "What will I say to Him? Master? Rabbi? I've got this personal problem...I can't do this in front of so many people...this is humiliating and embarrassing. What if He tells me it's my fault? What if He won't heal me? I am nobody...why would He even care about me? I get all tongue tied when I try to talk about things that matter, I'll sound like a fool and He'll just walk by...I just can't do this." Maybe she embraced this negative thinking because she was terrified of being rejected AGAIN. Maybe her family has disowned her. Maybe she really liked a man but couldn't consider the possibilities because of her horrible, gross, disgusting, ugly condition. There were no tampons back then, no Kotex.  How many times had she gone to the marketplace with blood stains on her clothes? How many nights had she cried herself to sleep? How many prayers had she prayed begging God for help?

What if she had been close to talking to Jesus many times, but each time her thoughts got in the way of her taking action...oh how she hesitated so many times before. 

But, in her heart she knew Jesus could heal her. "If only I touch the hem of His garment...He is almighty, I don't have to talk to Him...I just have to get close enough to touch..."

She was ready to move...her hands were sweating, she was crying - from fear, from the belief she really could be healed, from hope - she weaved in and out and pushed people aside, "Excuse me, excuse me." He got up to go to the man's house and His disciples flanked Him, "Oh no, I've got to get around them before they tell me to leave Him alone..." Her heart was about to beat out of her chest as she reached out to touch Him, He took a step to the right but it didn't phase her, she was committed, nothing would stop her now, she was about ready to call out His name she was so charged...she saw absolutely nothing but the hope of a transformed life and she reached out...her fingers covered with dirt, broken nails, tears blurred her vision, she was about to scream at Him to stop when she did it!!! She went to touch His sleeve, but she lost her balance and in front of her was the hem of His cloak...wrapped in her hand.

IMMEDIATELY she changed. Jesus felt her. She didn't touch Him...she had only His clothes in her grasp but He knew she was there!!!

He stopped. He knew everything about her. He knew her shame, embarrassment, brokenness, pain. He knew how many times she couldn't bring herself to approach Him. He knew how many times she hesitated.  He knew just how hard this was for her to do.

He smiled because she found the courage to act.

He was so proud of her! He looked her in the eyes and He spoke directly to her, "Take heart, daughter." She would never forget the sound of His voice, the words He spoke. He healed her. He made her whole. He gave her hope and a future. He gave her eternal life. She was indeed a changed woman! Hallelujah!!

If you are a Christ follower and are praying for less of you and more of Christ then it's gonna happen again. He's gonna nudge you to action. 
                  
                       Don't hesitate...trust Him.

"Take heart, daughter/son..."

In His service, deni

Monday, May 27, 2013

Bus Ticket


Not too long ago, a few of us were sitting in the café in First Baptist Church Tulsa. We were talking and waiting for a meeting to start, when a young girl walked up to us. She said she was abandoned by her boyfriend and didn’t know what to do.

I walked with her to a corner table and we talked. She said she met the guy and he promised to take her “to see the world,” and she was hungry to see what was out there so she didn’t hesitate and took off with him, even though she'd only known him for a couple weeks.  During the journey she learned that he had a drug addiction, was violent and didn’t have any money.

They got to Tulsa and argued, so he crushed her cell phone and kicked her out of the car. She said she had been sitting in the bus station crying for quite a while. But, when she got up and looked outside she saw First Baptist Church. She said, “My Grandma always told me if you get into trouble, just walk into the nearest church.” 

As we talked she realized she made a terrible mistake by leaving with this guy.  She had never been very far from her home town and she just wanted to see what was out there. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, “I just want to go home and start over again.”

I asked her what she wanted to be when she was a little girl and she said, “A singer.” She said people thought she could sing and so did she. I asked her if she ever pursued her dream and she said, “I didn’t think dreams were supposed to come true.”

I shared that God has a plan and a purpose for her life and that once she has a relationship with Him…He can make dreams come true!  We talked some more and we prayed and I walked her to the bus station.

I told her when she knows what God’s plan is if Isaiah 58, In His Service can help, we’d be happy to. She wrapped her arms around my neck and gave me a hug.

Isaiah 58, In His Service bought her a bus ticket home.  The first bus was sold out and the next one was scheduled to leave at 3am.  She said she’d be alright in the bus station and I told her after I did a few things, I would return with some food and sit with her.  We tried to call her Grandma to let her know the young girl was okay and headed home, but no one answered.

I finished what I needed to do, so I went to Quik Trip and loaded up on some food and then headed back to the bus station, it was about 8pm.  I looked around before I went inside and she was nowhere to be found. Initially my heart sank for fear that the boyfriend had shown back up and she conceded to go with him.  But, I prayed against that and went inside.  The same clerk I bought the ticket from was behind the counter.  I asked her about the young girl and she said, “Oh, yeah, honey, she got on the early bus, she’s on her way.”

Praise God!  I went back to my car and called her Grandma and she answered.  I told her who I was and that her granddaughter was on her way to start over.  Grandma was relieved and thankful.

So, what was I to do with the bag of food?  I drove around looking for some of my homeless folks and couldn’t find anybody!  I kept driving and finally I saw one.  He was flying a sign and I drove up and said, “There you are, man I’ve been lookin’ all over for you!”  We talked and I gave him the food and invited him to Luke10 and gave him my card and said if he needs to talk or is ready to make a change…to give me a call.”

The next day I got a message from the young girl. She said she was home safe and sound and had learned her lesson and she was very grateful.

I have no control over outcomes. One of the coolest things our Father does is give us a free will…it is our decision to choose to follow Him.  We can say, “yes,” or “no.” But, as Christ followers we are called to be the hands and feet of Christ.  So, that means being obedient to serve when Jesus calls us into action.

I was at church for a meeting that I wasn’t thrilled about attending.  We were in the café because we were waiting for the start of that meeting.  I could have blown off the meeting and not been in the café.  When she said she was in trouble, I could have gone looking for a church staff member and passed the buck.
 
So here's the lesson...sometimes we do things that we don't really want to do...like attend meetings.  But, I wasn't supposed to be at church for the meeting, I was supposed to be there for this girl. I did make the meeting, by the way!

God could have put someone else there, but for some reason…He asked me to be there.  I am so humbled that He chose me! Look what I was blessed to do!  I got to plant seeds and am praying that they will be watered and the Kingdom will grow.  The first step is to be willing, “Here I am Lord, send me.”

In His service,
deni

Monday, May 6, 2013

Are you the same? Have you changed at all?


I went to the store the other day to get some goodies for a little lady’s birthday.  I had a cake and some decorations the usual birthday fare.  I got in line behind someone who receives correspondence from Isaiah 58, In His Service.  After the pleasantries, he looked at me and said, “I got your letter, so I suppose you were soliciting funds.”  Then he looked in my basket and wanted to know what I was buying. I told him I was gonna surprise a little lady who lives alone with some birthday treats. He nodded and turned around and said, “I guess you need money to buy stuff like that too.”

I went to the Mighty Women of God Conference at FBCT a couple weeks ago and listened to the featured speaker, Peggy Nunnelly talk about a woman by the name of Veronica.  Veronica had a family of 5 and she lived in a country in which it was illegal to be a Christ follower. She and her whole household were arrested and imprisoned because of their beliefs, trust and faith in Jesus Christ. The guards brought Veronica’s husband into her cell.  They told her that she must renounce Christ or they would kill her husband. She refused to deny her God and so they cut off the head of her husband.  They brought in her two sons next and told her to forsake Jesus and again, she refused to deny her God and they used swords to kill her two sons.  She and her daughter were eventually freed.

I read this on Facebook, “A relationship with God that doesn’t change your life, isn’t really a relationship with God.”

Another life story Peggy shared at the conference;  a woman struggling with substance abuse most of her life, decided to kill herself so she put a gun to her head and pulled the trigger. Miraculously, she didn’t die and she had no severe brain damage. So, Peggy went to the hospital to talk with this lady.  Peggy said the woman had prayed “the sinner’s prayer” many times in her life, yet her life didn’t reflect a relationship with God. So, Peggy boldly told the woman, “You don’t know the Jesus I know because if you did, you wouldn’t be laying in a hospital bed from a self-inflicted gunshot wound.” Peggy said the woman was incensed and told her to get out and not come back.  However, over time God convicted the woman and she knew what Peggy said was true, she really didn’t know Jesus at all.  So, she talked with Peggy and the next time she talked to Jesus, she repented wholly and completely and asked God to save her.

And He did. The woman is now staying with Peggy and her family as she matures as a Christ follower and is learning and growing to become the woman God intended.

Change.  I am NOT the deni I used to be and I pray I am NOT the deni I’m going to be.  The old things pass away, behold all things are new.  If you drank alcohol until you puked on a regular basis, if you smoked pot or did ecstasy on the weekends, if you gossiped about people, if you looked at pornography, if you were a chronic liar, if you cheated regularly on your spouse, if you watched movies filled with sex and violence or played videogames where the goal is to kill as many people as you can,  if you were living with someone you’re not married to, if you did your job half-heartedly and stole from the company, if you flipped the bird at people regularly on the highway, if you cursed constantly…if these things were a routine part of your life BEFORE you claimed to be a Christ follower and now it’s years later and you’re STILL doing these things AFTER you say you accepted God’s salvation, then “A relationship with God that doesn’t change your life, isn’t really a relationship with God.”

If you can look at your life today and look at your life BC (before Christ) and essentially see the same person, then why are you claiming to be a Christian? If you go to church on Sundays, don’t cuss, are faithful to your spouse, limit your viewing of pornography, mow the widow’s lawn next door, pay the bills on time, have money left over for a vacation, tithe sometimes 5% and even throw a $20 in the offering plate once in a while, and allow your mother-in-law to stay for 2 whole weeks in the summer…and you’ve lived like this for as long as you can remember,“A relationship with God that doesn’t change your life, isn’t really a relationship with God.”  It's not the stuff, it's the relationship. It's not the surface, it's what's inside. It's not the giving, it's the living. It's not me, it's all Jesus.

It’s not about being “a good” person or a person that’s given up the bottle, or pornography or the affair. It’s about loving Jesus so much that you have to tell people about Him! It’s about doing whatever, I mean WHATEVER it is that He asks you to do. It means devouring His word because you have got to learn more, it’s about believing what you read in His word and asking Him to work through you like He did through His disciples in the New Testament. It means thinking, “This has GOT to be God, cause this is the most uncomfortable, crazy thing to do...and I would never think of this on my own, so I KNOW it’s Him.” I bought a ring the other day that says, "LIVE THE WORD." I wear it every day as a reminder it's not about me, it's all about Jesus!  It's a reminder that as I continue in my relationship with Jesus...I will continue to change and grow...the goal is for people to see Jesus, not deni.

Remember, Beth Moore’s “faith story” about being in the airport and being nudged to comb the long, straggly hair of an old man in a wheelchair?  Remember the man was hard of hearing and she’s overwhelmed and trying to convince God not to make her do this, and trying to be discreet but he can’t hear her so she yells, “CAN I COMB YOUR HAIR?” Then the God moment happened, the old man told her that he had open heart surgery and his wife was ill and he hasn’t seen her in months. He was thinking what a mess he must look like as he is about to see his bride after all this time. Beth says, “I learned something about God that day. He knows if you’re exhausted or hungry, you’re serving in the wrong place or it’s time to move on but you’re too responsible to budge, He knows if you’re hurting or feel rejected. He knows if you’re sick or drowning under a wave of temptation. Or He knows if you just need your hair brushed. He sees you as an individual.  Tell Him your need! I got on my own flight, sobs choking my throat, wondering how many opportunities just like this I had missed along the way…all because I didn’t want people to think I’m strange. God didn’t send me to that old man. He sent the old man to me.” (From an Internet post by Beth Moore)

I didn’t send out the long letter to ask for funds...but to ask you to ask God to show you how you can be more like HIm and do more for Him. My prayer is that folks will be convicted and not walk away like the rich young ruler when God calls us into action. My prayer is that folks will be convicted and do like Zacchaeus and open the door wide to Jesus and let Him in every area of our lives; no matter how crazy or scary or weird His calling may be.

There is a middle aged couple who are applying for disability, they have no income, no vehicle, no money and they need a place to live…

There are special needs kids who will most likely go into the foster care system because their only caregiver can't take care of them anymore…

There are women who struggle with mental illness or uncontrolled diabetes or other health issues, estranged from their families and cannot live alone anymore...

There are senior adults living in nursing homes without a family and are wasting away because they have a story to tell and there is no one there to listen…

There are teenagers who have no male role models and their Moms are working all the time or doing drugs or absent from their lives and these kids are wasting away in the projects…

There are young adults who have been sexually, physically and emotionally abused and desperately need mentors to help them heal and become self-sufficient…

There are single Moms who work two jobs to feed their numerous children but they continue to make bad choices in parenting and the men they date…

There are Dads who are disabled and can't work anymore and can't pay their bills....

There are homeless men and women who sleep on sidewalks and in abandoned buildings who are very sick and dying and need a place to die…

There are folks looking for work but can’t get to the interviews by relying on the city bus…

There are families with grandparents, siblings, grandchildren and significant others who live together and only one or two people work for a variety of reasons…they can’t pay their bills, their rent and they don’t have enough to eat…

This is just a drop in the bucket of the many people I see regularly who need Jesus and support from Christ followers willing to jump off of the pews and dive into the gutter…

There is someone in your neighborhood, in your office, on your team, in your child’s school, or in your church who is suffering and sinking and screaming for help and you know it and God is tugging at your heart but you are fighting Him, “I won’t know what to say,” “What if they take advantage of me,” “I don’t want to make the offer to help because what if helping them takes a long time,” “But, what if I have to give up my favorite TV shows, or cut back on my shopping, or go without something that I want, or be inconvenienced, or feel weird,” "What if it changes the way I like to live..." 

If we’re bargaining with Jesus about being His hands and feet only, “when we have the time,” then we don’t believe that the Gospel “costs” something…and we don’t believe it’s worth very much and we are denying that He is worth any effort, so why are we claiming to know Him? Are we living the way we’ve always lived? Where is the New Creation? Because if this is how we've always felt and this is how we've always lived...then we don’t know Him at all.

I can tell you that God has never called me to do something – no matter how far out of my comfort zone it is – that He hasn't given me every single thing I need to do His will. We sometimes find it very easy to tell God that we love Him…but do we trust Him? Veronica trusted Him with the lives of her family…
what will you trust Him with?

“A relationship with God that doesn’t change your life, isn’t really a relationship with God.” - Facebook

In His service,

deni A. fholer
Isaiah 58, In His Service, Inc.
PO Box 521063
Tulsa OK 74152
918-260-1933
I58ihs@gmail.com
www.i58ihs.blogspot.com
501©3 nonprofit ministry

We HAVE to do more. We HAVE to do better.

“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
 and sinners will turn back to you.” Psalms 51: 10-13